Sorry I have been away for a while. Regrettably I have been on an emotional roller coaster ride since April. From multiple family deaths, to celebrating birthdays, to celebrating our pregnancy, to mourning the loss of our baby is some of the major reasons I have been away for so long.
But I do not want you to feel sorry for me. This is life. Life can be wonderful and sometimes painful all at the same time. It took me awhile to realize this. To come back from the emotional abyss and to get back what I lost – me. After all, I am still me even with everything I have been through these past couple of months.
As a part of the healing process, I began to run again, taking walks in the gardens where I work, and even more walks in the park near our home. These little journeys have brought me solace that nothing else has. Sure our family has been huge support, my husband hugs me when I need him to, but no one could ease the emotional and physical pain I was in. I needed on my own to come to terms of losing our baby. It has been one of the hardest things I ever had to do. But life has a funny way of moving forward whether you want it to or not. I simply had to make a choice to move with it our get left behind.
In the spirit of moving forward, I decided to resume this blog among other things. This day marks the one week anniversary of celebrating my birthday. Traditionally every year I put a close to one art journal and begin another. To mark this time, I usually unveil the journal I have been working on over the past year each Friday. I thought I would give a sneak peek today at the cover of this past years journal cover before I resume my Flashback Fridays.
So here is to fresh beginnings and the resurrection of my regular Flashback Friday posts.
Everyday brings its own set of challenges that defines us. Some of these challenges can make us strong, make us wiser, and teach us to be okay with ourselves. Some days we are awesome at conquering these challenges, while other challenges can tear us down. Yet even though we can be brought down, we can rise again stronger than ever because we have learned that by falling, we can still survive.
If you haven’t guessed by now, I am having one of those challenging weeks. Yet I am still here. I am surviving. I have learned this week that even though someone can pass from your life onto the next, that the loved ones that are left behind can come together to remember them, to share in grief, sorrow and memories. What comes from these times is knowledge that we affect the people in our lives in such a way that we can never truly understand until their gone or about to leave.
This week brought me the news that my great aunt Mae passed away in the night. She was a bright spot in this world and I was so saddened to hear her light is no longer shining in this life. I will miss her dearly and wish I had a chance to tell her so. But this sad news was accompanied by even sadder news that our beloved Grandma Noe’s health is failing and that it may be a matter of days before she leaves us too.
My mind and heart have been slow to come to grips with these heartbreaking events. I wasn’t even sure if I would post this entry today. The cheery little bird I drew last year seemed to be mocking me. Yet here I am writing this post, still breathing, still surviving in the only way I know how – being myself. So today’s life lesson is this: “Be true to yourself, sing your own song and live life to it’s fullest.” If you do, the legacy you leave behind will be the thing that binds your loved ones together in the face of sadness.
I dedicate this in loving tribute to my great aunt Mae who left a wonderful legacy in this life by the family and friends her life touched. And to grandma Jean Noe, though while her song has yet to end I hope and pray she finds peace in her final hours.
Here I am finally sitting down at the table, struggling for the words to begin with. Do I start by proclaiming on this second day January 2014 that I have renewed commitment to my art and this blog? Or do I start by explaining my long absence yet again.
Anyone who has followed me over this past year, will know that I have experienced many struggles and have lost close relatives this past year. I have come to discover that I cannot continue this new year without recognizing my recent losses and the heartfelt words of encouragement that my readers have expressed on my last post.
For new readers, on my last post, I had literally just found out that my grandmother passed away as I was creating my last art tile. This struck my little family yet another blow as I had just lost my beloved step-father Mark this past summer.
I was so touched by some of the words that came from that post I want to take this moment to truly thank those readers who took time to express their condolences and offered words of hope.
I dedicate this post to all those readers and those in my life that have helped grieve. Thank You.
Flashback Fridays are making a comeback. Now that I am finally getting back into blogging regularly, I am also resuming posting some of my past visual art journal entries on Fridays.
I decided for this entry to go back into the recent past and post an entry that is very dear to me. As some of you might have read from my early blog posts this year, this past June, I lost someone I loved very much, my stepfather Mark.
This journal page reflects the raw emotion I felt during that time and at the same time offered a way to heal the pain of loss.
It has still been a struggle to reconcile my heart over the loss, so today I dedicate this post to the his memory.